Great piece, Kate. Barbara Hepworth is another artist who had to do a lot of juggling to keep working creatively, having triplets and a singleton. I remember reading about her and I think it was quite tough. I hate the "having it all" phrase for women. People don't question men having it all as it's stereotypically easier if the lion's share of the parenting isn't on them. Thankfully that's changing in lots of families where, anecdotally, I've heard of more shared childcare and responsibilities for some of the current generation with young children. I agree that children can both take time away from creative work and inspire it and can, in themselves, be a life's work, which is also something to celebrate 🎉
Such great points, Katherine. I don't know a lot about Barbara Hepworth, so I will have to find out more about her. “Having it all” did such a disservice to women.
I love this post. It echoes so much of my own thoughts, and the connections with women writers are poignant. I was certainly raised to 'have it all', but when I continued to pursue a career when I had children, that was frowned upon. Etc. I've talked to other women in my generation, and it feels like we just can't win. When we 'betray' our talents, there is disdain, and when we leave our children, we are bad. If we don't marry, we are selfish or to be pitied, if we do, we are also pitied and our independence is questioned.
Thank you, I'm glad it resonated with you. You honestly can't win! I have felt judged for so many decisions around mothering and work (or not working) and it still goes on even with younger parents I know. Everyone has an opinion, when we are all just trying to do our best.
Absolutely. I enjoyed exclusively looking after my children before they started school but it was marred by feeling like a failure as a feminist, which is a shame. I needn't have worried. I had plenty of time to get back to paid work afterwards.
Yes! Exactly, you really can't win, work too much = not caring enough, stay at home = bad feminist...I heard a podcast interview with a VERY famous female writer recently who said how disappointed she would have been if her daughter's took their husband's name after marriage. She couldn't understand why any woman would do that. This shaming by other women is just so unnecessary.
Such a wonderfully rich exploration of a thorny question. I learnt the hard way that my children are way happier when I'm exploring my creativity than they were when I was trying to live up to some ideal of 'putting the children first'. I know it's hard to strike the right balance, but if I had my early mothering years again I would definitely invest more energy in my writing and less in worrying that they would feel neglected if I went off and did something I loved.
What I love about your piece (and your writing in general!) is that it's all about trying to understand and respecting that creative women have an extra burden on them and all solutions/choices are valid and can be celebrated!
I enjoyed your very thoughtful essay. I'm 74, a retired lawyer and freelance writer. I was part of Second Wave Feminism, determined to achieve my own career success and uncertain about having kids. I didn't marry until I was 35, and had both my children in my late thirties, fully intending to return to full-time work. Instead, I fell in love with mothering and spent 15 years out of the legal workforce. During that time I wrote and sold personal essays and informational articles. I think it's possible to have it all, just not all at the same time. In the case of children, biology does influence destiny. As far as those who might judge a woman's professional or artistic commitment, who cares? Mothering is serious and important business. I followed my heart, and I have no regrets.
Thank you, Sharon, some thoughtful ideas here. I think that's a great point: you can have it all, just not all at once! I love that you followed your instinct after having kids and had no regrets.
I wonder if the fact that as young children, most of us want our mothers and their attention all to ourselves, carries over and unconsciously constricts and pollutes many adults' view of women and their place in life ("mostly Moms").
Thank you for the Margaret Drabble reference - as I was reading the piece, I was thinking about her, and about how good she is at mothers and children.
Great piece, Kate. Barbara Hepworth is another artist who had to do a lot of juggling to keep working creatively, having triplets and a singleton. I remember reading about her and I think it was quite tough. I hate the "having it all" phrase for women. People don't question men having it all as it's stereotypically easier if the lion's share of the parenting isn't on them. Thankfully that's changing in lots of families where, anecdotally, I've heard of more shared childcare and responsibilities for some of the current generation with young children. I agree that children can both take time away from creative work and inspire it and can, in themselves, be a life's work, which is also something to celebrate 🎉
Such great points, Katherine. I don't know a lot about Barbara Hepworth, so I will have to find out more about her. “Having it all” did such a disservice to women.
I love this post. It echoes so much of my own thoughts, and the connections with women writers are poignant. I was certainly raised to 'have it all', but when I continued to pursue a career when I had children, that was frowned upon. Etc. I've talked to other women in my generation, and it feels like we just can't win. When we 'betray' our talents, there is disdain, and when we leave our children, we are bad. If we don't marry, we are selfish or to be pitied, if we do, we are also pitied and our independence is questioned.
Thank you, I'm glad it resonated with you. You honestly can't win! I have felt judged for so many decisions around mothering and work (or not working) and it still goes on even with younger parents I know. Everyone has an opinion, when we are all just trying to do our best.
Absolutely. I enjoyed exclusively looking after my children before they started school but it was marred by feeling like a failure as a feminist, which is a shame. I needn't have worried. I had plenty of time to get back to paid work afterwards.
Yes! Exactly, you really can't win, work too much = not caring enough, stay at home = bad feminist...I heard a podcast interview with a VERY famous female writer recently who said how disappointed she would have been if her daughter's took their husband's name after marriage. She couldn't understand why any woman would do that. This shaming by other women is just so unnecessary.
Such a wonderfully rich exploration of a thorny question. I learnt the hard way that my children are way happier when I'm exploring my creativity than they were when I was trying to live up to some ideal of 'putting the children first'. I know it's hard to strike the right balance, but if I had my early mothering years again I would definitely invest more energy in my writing and less in worrying that they would feel neglected if I went off and did something I loved.
Thank you, Joanna. I think children often pick up on a lot more than we realise and they generally prefer to have happy parents.
What I love about your piece (and your writing in general!) is that it's all about trying to understand and respecting that creative women have an extra burden on them and all solutions/choices are valid and can be celebrated!
Thank you so much for that, Juliana! Exactly; we are all just trying to figure out how to create/live/be!
Loved this one the first time around. Thanks for sharing it again, Kate!
Thanks, Kate!
I enjoyed your very thoughtful essay. I'm 74, a retired lawyer and freelance writer. I was part of Second Wave Feminism, determined to achieve my own career success and uncertain about having kids. I didn't marry until I was 35, and had both my children in my late thirties, fully intending to return to full-time work. Instead, I fell in love with mothering and spent 15 years out of the legal workforce. During that time I wrote and sold personal essays and informational articles. I think it's possible to have it all, just not all at the same time. In the case of children, biology does influence destiny. As far as those who might judge a woman's professional or artistic commitment, who cares? Mothering is serious and important business. I followed my heart, and I have no regrets.
Thank you, Sharon, some thoughtful ideas here. I think that's a great point: you can have it all, just not all at once! I love that you followed your instinct after having kids and had no regrets.
Love this compilation of fascinating writer-mothers! 🙏❣️
Thank you, Janet!
Another wonderful and insightful piece.
Thank you 💕
I wonder if the fact that as young children, most of us want our mothers and their attention all to ourselves, carries over and unconsciously constricts and pollutes many adults' view of women and their place in life ("mostly Moms").
Interesting thoughts!
Thank you for the Margaret Drabble reference - as I was reading the piece, I was thinking about her, and about how good she is at mothers and children.
So true!! Thank you for reading, Christine 😀