I’ve also found myself navigating the middle passage of life, not wanting to abandon the life I’ve built, but still craving a deeper creative presence within it. It’s reassuring to hear voices like yours that don’t frame creativity as all-or-nothing, but instead as something that can live gently alongside the everyday.
I love your thoughts on this! I'm not quite as near to the empty nest (my youngest is 10), but I have felt these tensions for a long time and still feel them acutely. I do feel I had and made choices, but I am becoming increasingly aware of how these choices were influenced and limited by societal expectations. I don't regret having children or being married, but it did and does mean being somewhat clipped in my creative freedom. On the other hand there are so many other ways for that freedom to be limited that have nothing to do with gender, children or marital status – a fact that I am trying not to overlook, as well as knowing deeply that having my partner's support and being in touch with my children's creativity have both enhanced mine so much.
Thank you, and yes, I totally hear you! We have both clearly been lucky enough to have had choices, but I also agree that these have often been influenced by outside sources. I do admire the way younger people are more open to different ways of living, and I can’t help but envy those women brave enough to follow a different path, whilst recognising I would lose too much to do so. As you say, a supportive partner and children can actually enhance our creative lives.
The post started out talking about a creative life and then took a turn (in my mind) by talking about a successful creative life.
I’m unsure that we can, each of us, expect to have a successful (read: financially successful) creative life, or even a successful creative life as defined by # of subscribers (or any subscriber, for that matter). No matter how much we might strive for that…
But a creative life, we can all grasp that rung, no?
My empty nest is fast approaching (5 weeks and counting: eek!). I am thinking about how for the last 23 years, I could excuse the lack of attention to my creativity (aside from journaling) as unavoidable given my responsibilities (single mother, full-time worker, etc). Those responsibilities (well, save the FT job, for now) are dissipating. Will I be able to reclaim my creativity, revive it? 🩷
Thanks for your thoughts, Elle. Absolutely, living a creative life of some kind is open to the majority of us, whereas a creative life with a modicum of "success" (however we choose to define it) is a separate thing. My thinking lately has very much been about trying to unpick and separate out these two elements of my writing life, as well as decide where I want to focus my energy in this next phase.
I hear you on the approaching empty nest...I sometimes wonder if my panic around these issues is partly down to not having an "excuse" for not writing anymore!
"Including the life I've already created" is such an important phrase in this conversation. I have taken many missteps and then decided to use them as fodder to create. There's nothing but grief if everything you think lies behind you has been a waste.
A beautiful and thoughtful piece, Kate. And while I have not juggled creative practice with mothering, I can certainly relate to middle age transitions 🩶
"I am currently a body in transition. I am moving through the maelstrom of middle age and, quite frankly, looking forward to making it to the other side."
I've never been a fan of the term "middle age" with its negative connotations (like "old age"). I like dividing up adulthood into early, middle and later segments. That way, we're always fundamentally an adult.
When I was driving my career like a crazy woman in mid-life, I, too yearned for a quieter creative life and wondered how I could make one for myself. Honestly, I never found the answer to that. It's only been in retirement that I'm slowly building that life. But you are right, Kate, that what we think will make it creative, successful, or meaningful is not what we think it might be.
Writing a newsletter on Substack has been a wonderful creative endeavor. But it's not the numbers that have been most rewarding (although I'm grateful to my subscribers!), it's the (surprising) comments from subscribers who say they find a bit of their own story in my pieces. Let your journey unfold, Kate. The creativity will emerge.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments, Donna. It’s wonderful to hear you are finding your creative flow now, but I agree; it’s not always easy to balance when life gets in the way. Sharing work here has also been one of the greatest experiences for my creative life.
I love this. I honestly hate the overplayed narrative of the selfish writer or artist who abandons her children and husband to fulfill ambitions (or fantasies, depending on talent) of artistic greatness. Whether she succeeds or not, the narrative rings hollow. If I have to give up my family for creative success, it isn't worth it. This, of course, is not groundbreaking to people who aren't narcissists. Thank you for giving voice to the other path - to infuse the beautiful lives we've already built with creativity. It makes living a creative life much more attainable for women.
Thank you! I’m so glad it resonated with you. I read a brilliant book on female artists who left their children to live creatively recently, “The Abandoners”, and it struck me that they are famous because they are so few in number. Arguably, they may not have had the same level of “success” if they had stayed, but we will never know the toll their decisions took on them.
Thanks, Tash! Absolutely…I loved Dr Agarwal’s ideas around the importance of our children seeing our passions as important to us. I thought that was such a positive way to see it!
I think one of the biggest parts of living a creative life is figuring out again and again what that means to us in different stages of life!
Totally!
I’ve also found myself navigating the middle passage of life, not wanting to abandon the life I’ve built, but still craving a deeper creative presence within it. It’s reassuring to hear voices like yours that don’t frame creativity as all-or-nothing, but instead as something that can live gently alongside the everyday.
Thank you! Absolutely, we need to find ways of making it part of our every day :)
I love your thoughts on this! I'm not quite as near to the empty nest (my youngest is 10), but I have felt these tensions for a long time and still feel them acutely. I do feel I had and made choices, but I am becoming increasingly aware of how these choices were influenced and limited by societal expectations. I don't regret having children or being married, but it did and does mean being somewhat clipped in my creative freedom. On the other hand there are so many other ways for that freedom to be limited that have nothing to do with gender, children or marital status – a fact that I am trying not to overlook, as well as knowing deeply that having my partner's support and being in touch with my children's creativity have both enhanced mine so much.
Thank you, and yes, I totally hear you! We have both clearly been lucky enough to have had choices, but I also agree that these have often been influenced by outside sources. I do admire the way younger people are more open to different ways of living, and I can’t help but envy those women brave enough to follow a different path, whilst recognising I would lose too much to do so. As you say, a supportive partner and children can actually enhance our creative lives.
I don’t know if you’d be interested, but I talked about this issue on this podcast with another Substacker, Dr Kathleen Waller, a couple of years ago. Here is the link: https://thematterhorn.substack.com/p/mother-writers-a-conversation-with-9c2
Thanks! It’s great to feel heard, and thank you for the link!
The post started out talking about a creative life and then took a turn (in my mind) by talking about a successful creative life.
I’m unsure that we can, each of us, expect to have a successful (read: financially successful) creative life, or even a successful creative life as defined by # of subscribers (or any subscriber, for that matter). No matter how much we might strive for that…
But a creative life, we can all grasp that rung, no?
My empty nest is fast approaching (5 weeks and counting: eek!). I am thinking about how for the last 23 years, I could excuse the lack of attention to my creativity (aside from journaling) as unavoidable given my responsibilities (single mother, full-time worker, etc). Those responsibilities (well, save the FT job, for now) are dissipating. Will I be able to reclaim my creativity, revive it? 🩷
Thanks for your thoughts, Elle. Absolutely, living a creative life of some kind is open to the majority of us, whereas a creative life with a modicum of "success" (however we choose to define it) is a separate thing. My thinking lately has very much been about trying to unpick and separate out these two elements of my writing life, as well as decide where I want to focus my energy in this next phase.
I hear you on the approaching empty nest...I sometimes wonder if my panic around these issues is partly down to not having an "excuse" for not writing anymore!
This is lovely and resonant. You're doing a wonderful, beautiful, amazing job, Kate!
Awww, thank you so much, Kolina! That means everything :)))
🤗🤗🤗
"Including the life I've already created" is such an important phrase in this conversation. I have taken many missteps and then decided to use them as fodder to create. There's nothing but grief if everything you think lies behind you has been a waste.
So true! Thank you, Laury.
A beautiful and thoughtful piece, Kate. And while I have not juggled creative practice with mothering, I can certainly relate to middle age transitions 🩶
It’s a challenge, isn’t it…💖
💕
"I am currently a body in transition. I am moving through the maelstrom of middle age and, quite frankly, looking forward to making it to the other side."
I've never been a fan of the term "middle age" with its negative connotations (like "old age"). I like dividing up adulthood into early, middle and later segments. That way, we're always fundamentally an adult.
True! These words and stereotypes that go with them can be so limiting at times.
This is one of my most favorite things you've ever written. I am so glad to be on a similar journey alongside you.
💙 Thank you, Petya. One of the joys of the past couple of years has been sharing creative space with you and the thoughtful readers and writers here.
When I was driving my career like a crazy woman in mid-life, I, too yearned for a quieter creative life and wondered how I could make one for myself. Honestly, I never found the answer to that. It's only been in retirement that I'm slowly building that life. But you are right, Kate, that what we think will make it creative, successful, or meaningful is not what we think it might be.
Writing a newsletter on Substack has been a wonderful creative endeavor. But it's not the numbers that have been most rewarding (although I'm grateful to my subscribers!), it's the (surprising) comments from subscribers who say they find a bit of their own story in my pieces. Let your journey unfold, Kate. The creativity will emerge.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments, Donna. It’s wonderful to hear you are finding your creative flow now, but I agree; it’s not always easy to balance when life gets in the way. Sharing work here has also been one of the greatest experiences for my creative life.
I love this. I honestly hate the overplayed narrative of the selfish writer or artist who abandons her children and husband to fulfill ambitions (or fantasies, depending on talent) of artistic greatness. Whether she succeeds or not, the narrative rings hollow. If I have to give up my family for creative success, it isn't worth it. This, of course, is not groundbreaking to people who aren't narcissists. Thank you for giving voice to the other path - to infuse the beautiful lives we've already built with creativity. It makes living a creative life much more attainable for women.
Thank you! I’m so glad it resonated with you. I read a brilliant book on female artists who left their children to live creatively recently, “The Abandoners”, and it struck me that they are famous because they are so few in number. Arguably, they may not have had the same level of “success” if they had stayed, but we will never know the toll their decisions took on them.
Lovely piece Kate - thank you! All the discussion about making space for a creative practice while mothering rang very true!
Thanks, Tash! Absolutely…I loved Dr Agarwal’s ideas around the importance of our children seeing our passions as important to us. I thought that was such a positive way to see it!
Such a lovely way to reframe things.