So much to think about here. After reading this post and perusing your other posts, I’m happy to have found your Substack. Female friendship is a subject that’s always interested me I think because I’ve wondered, from time to time, why I’ve had so many come and go. Especially when I see women who have a decades-old group of friends. I’ve wondered if something is “wrong” with me that made others leave. I know intellectually it’s not true but it is something I’ve though a lot about. Thank you for this and the series and book recs. Look8ng forward to more from you!
Thank you so much for reading and your comments, Charlotte. I know exactly what you mean! I know women who have lifelong friendships it seems and I'm always slightly envious of that.
Your notion of "transient friendships" rings very true, Kate. We connect deeply with others for a reason. As we and they change and grow, the symbiosis is often disrupted. We may move away from those special friends, but we hold them forever in the amber of nostalgia.
I've just started Alderton's book, so this feels very topical!
But I'm really drawn to your daughter's point about not doing your twenties right--I'm older than her but her thought definitely resonates with my experience. L
As always, I come out of your post with another book to look into (Blume's) and that's a gift!
I read this a few times and feel ... sad? about it... Like, I so appreciate your thoughts but they also made me realize that I have been feeling for a while that something was missing in my life and reading this post made me wonder if I've been missing a group of friends. I moved very far away for college and even after getting married, we moved around quite a bit until we settled in Memphis. Those logistics really affected my friendships and I think at some point, the patterns became really engrained. I can make friends quite easily -- I've needed to learn how to do that -- but also, I don't have many lifetime friends and definitely don't have a friend group that comes together regularly, etc.
Thank you for sharing so many good examples in fiction that offer honest, nuanced views into this type of experience. I am so clearly not the only one who's felt "some type of way" about all of the above and is this the final straw to get started with The Neapolitan Quartet or what but you already have me on a Deborah Levy streak!!!
I’m so sorry to have made you feel sad, Petya…but I am totally the same. I lost touch with most of my old friends, and although I also find it easy to make friends, as I’ve move on into different jobs, life roles, etc, I have never sustained a lifelong group of friends. Perhaps that’s why I end up watching comfort shows that portray something I lack…? Maybe. I don’t think it’s a subject that we talk about a lot.
As for the Neapolitan series, I have to confess I have only read the first one and it wasn’t my favourite book…but my daughter has just finished it, and is totally smitten! She has ordered the second one straight away, so maybe I will have to try it again soon! I hope you’re enjoying the Levy :)
I love this look at literary and on-screen friendships! It’s so fascinating to see how friendships have been portrayed. They can be much more complex and interesting than romantic relationships. Thank you for quoting me, it’s great to see how others see friendships throughout different stages of life :)
So much to think about here. After reading this post and perusing your other posts, I’m happy to have found your Substack. Female friendship is a subject that’s always interested me I think because I’ve wondered, from time to time, why I’ve had so many come and go. Especially when I see women who have a decades-old group of friends. I’ve wondered if something is “wrong” with me that made others leave. I know intellectually it’s not true but it is something I’ve though a lot about. Thank you for this and the series and book recs. Look8ng forward to more from you!
Thank you so much for reading and your comments, Charlotte. I know exactly what you mean! I know women who have lifelong friendships it seems and I'm always slightly envious of that.
Your notion of "transient friendships" rings very true, Kate. We connect deeply with others for a reason. As we and they change and grow, the symbiosis is often disrupted. We may move away from those special friends, but we hold them forever in the amber of nostalgia.
Thanks, Baird! So true 😀
I've just started Alderton's book, so this feels very topical!
But I'm really drawn to your daughter's point about not doing your twenties right--I'm older than her but her thought definitely resonates with my experience. L
As always, I come out of your post with another book to look into (Blume's) and that's a gift!
Thanks, Juliana! Ooh, I think you'll love Summer Sisters! Definitely the perfect lazy spring/summer read 📚
I read this a few times and feel ... sad? about it... Like, I so appreciate your thoughts but they also made me realize that I have been feeling for a while that something was missing in my life and reading this post made me wonder if I've been missing a group of friends. I moved very far away for college and even after getting married, we moved around quite a bit until we settled in Memphis. Those logistics really affected my friendships and I think at some point, the patterns became really engrained. I can make friends quite easily -- I've needed to learn how to do that -- but also, I don't have many lifetime friends and definitely don't have a friend group that comes together regularly, etc.
Thank you for sharing so many good examples in fiction that offer honest, nuanced views into this type of experience. I am so clearly not the only one who's felt "some type of way" about all of the above and is this the final straw to get started with The Neapolitan Quartet or what but you already have me on a Deborah Levy streak!!!
P.S. Hi Eleanor!!!
I’m so sorry to have made you feel sad, Petya…but I am totally the same. I lost touch with most of my old friends, and although I also find it easy to make friends, as I’ve move on into different jobs, life roles, etc, I have never sustained a lifelong group of friends. Perhaps that’s why I end up watching comfort shows that portray something I lack…? Maybe. I don’t think it’s a subject that we talk about a lot.
As for the Neapolitan series, I have to confess I have only read the first one and it wasn’t my favourite book…but my daughter has just finished it, and is totally smitten! She has ordered the second one straight away, so maybe I will have to try it again soon! I hope you’re enjoying the Levy :)
I love this look at literary and on-screen friendships! It’s so fascinating to see how friendships have been portrayed. They can be much more complex and interesting than romantic relationships. Thank you for quoting me, it’s great to see how others see friendships throughout different stages of life :)
Ah, thank you, and you're welcome :) I thought your take on friendship groups was relevant and interesting!
Some great reflections on friendship, beautifully researched and written!
Thanks for reading!